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Magic: The Gathering!!!

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Oh Captain, My Captain!!!

I UnSummon You!

Welcome one and all!  This is Captain Red Zone coming to you with yet another deck for your viewing delight.  Today is a little special for me; I get to talk about a subject I have wanted to do for a while now.  You see, last week I posted a poll for the dual color decks.  This poll will effect my next 10 or so articles.  So, while I wait to see the final out come of that, this week I get to build a deck that will fill up the spot for the week without any real need to follow any single color or theme.  So I’m taking this tie to talk about another casual format I have wanted to do for some time.  This week I will take you into the UnSets!

Now, the cards in the UnSets are not legal to play in any format but Casual.  The rules say something along the lines of:  “Any card without a black or white border are illegal in all sanctioned formats ,” or something of that nature.  This means that, with the exception of the basic lands, all cards from these two sets are not to be played with anywhere outside your casual play group.  So, with that in mind, I would like to also point out that even some casual formats, like Commander, don’t allow these cards also.

The difference is this:  The banned list for Commander is a suggested list.  That means that you can use these cards in your play group but you may want to ask them if it’s cool first.  Don’t expect it to be cool to play this anywhere outside of your play group at all.  So, I have to lay down a few warnings right now:

1)      If you decide to continue reading after this part, I am not to be held responsible for any beat downs in any parking lots for the usage of this deck.
2)      It is solely on you to ask you group beforehand if they will allow you to play this deck.
3)      In case your group says no, it is up to you to bring an additional Commander deck to use.
4)      It is your job to find a group of friends that will allow your wacky deck into a game.

Just to let you know, this one is more of an idea then a deck. I’m not even sure if it can win a game but I think having fun while playing it is the real way you win here. So, with that out the way, let’s build us an UnSet themed Commander deck!

Unhanded Me!

The first step is to pick a General.  I decided to go with a five-colored one just because it will give us more cards to use from the two sets.  With only two sets to draw from, we need all the open space we can get, but we have one problem here…  There are no five-colored Legends from the two sets!
No biggie, We’ll just pick one from somewhere else in Magic’s history.  I decided to go with…

That’s right, Cromat!  I figure since he’s the one five-colored Commander my group finds useless, he would fit the bill here in a deck that is useless just about everywhere.  So on to the rest of the deck.

Get Your Hands Off My Ass!

If you didn’t know already, there is a cycle of Donkey creatures from the UnSets,  all of which have Ass somewhere in their name.  So lets start with the asses shall we ?

Assquatch, Bad Ass, Dumb Ass, Fat Ass, Smart Ass, Cheap Ass: First off, that was as fun to write as it was to read.  Now most of the Asses have a ½ (half ass… get it) on them somewhere, be it in their mana cost, effect, or power and toughness.  I would like to point out it may be easier to treat these like a hole… whole.  So Assquatch is a 4/4 that gives other donkeys +2/+2.  Bad Ass is a 4/1 that you can regenerate by paying 1B and don’t forget to Growl, like actually Growl at someone.  Cheap Ass is a 1/4 that brings makes all of your spells cost 1/2 less to play.  Now remember, Creatures are spells when you play them so this brings those down too.  Dumb Ass is a 4/2 but you have to flip a coin and if you lose target opponent chooses if Dumb Ass can attack this turn.  It may be in your best interest to let him know you won’t attack him this turn if he lets you attack…  Getting political!  Fat Ass is a 2/4 that gets +2/+2 if you’re eating so you many want to metagame a little by bringing a bag of chips or some M&M’s. May I suggest a can of Pringels?

But the asses doesn’t stop there…

City of Ass and Ass Whuppin’:  Ass Whuppin’ can destroy just about any card in this deck . You know, like the Commander.  The basic lands are able to get away, so if someone steals one of your cards with a Mind Control or something…  Whup that Ass! City of Ass makes 2 colored mana if you count the half as a whole. Not too bad.  

Ok, enough of the Ass jokes. Now we move on to the rest…

Avatar of Me, Johnny, Combo Player, Timmy, Power Gamer and _____________: These are my vanity cards.  I’m a Timmy/Johnny according to the Wizards Personality Test.  I love big game ending spells but I also like to find interesting cards that combine together in interesting ways.  Timmy and Johnny do both when they’re together.  I can find creatures with Johnny and Timmy can cheat them into play while Johnny finds the best combo card to go with them.  Avatar will vary in coolness from person to person.  For me, he’s a UU brown 6/12 and I have to say a 6/12 for 2 is pretty good indeed.  Oh, and that blank line is not a typo, that’s a blue 1/1 that you can pay 1 to change its name to anything you want it to be.  I like to name it Captain of the Red Zone… until Uril, the Miststalker comes along. ___________ can legend rule any commander for one mana so keep that in mind.

Artful Looter, Cheatyface, Elvish House Party, Rocket-Powered Turbo Slug, and The Fallen Apart:  Each of these bring a little bit of fun to the table.  Artful Looter is here as a draw/discard outlet but mostly because I like the fact that he’s stealing a Merfolk Looter painting.  Cheatyface is fun to try and slip into play.  Elvish House Party is as big as the current hour.  Quick, look at what time it is.  The hour?  That’s how big it is right now.  Usually my group plays around 6 or 7 pm and we usually keep playing until about 11pm.  Rocket-Powered Turbo Slug is the fastest thing in magic history and I can’t miss a chance to cast it attacking the turn before I play it!  The Fallen Apart is one of the few UnCards I feel could be allowed for regular games.  If they add the word “counters” after arms and legs, it would make perfect since.

Creature Guy, Laughing Hyena, Goblin S.W.A.T. Team, Greater Morphling and Keeper of the Sacred Word:  These are the guys that may get under everyone’s skin.  The Gotcha effect catches player doing random things they would usually do during a game.  Have you ever laughed, shuffled your hand,  or said something like Kill/Creature/Dies/or Guy during a game?  Well, the Gotcha cards will make sure your opponents watch what they do and say.  The Gotcha effects allows you to bring certain cards back to your hand from the grave if you say Gotcha when another player does one of these. Oh and don’t even get me started about the Sacred Word!  Greater Morphling does just about everything it could at the time it was printed and with a wall of text like that, I’m sure you could just say anything and the group would believe you just so they don’t have to read it.  Goblin S.W.A.T. will leave someone with a sore hand.  

Emcee, Paper Tiger, Rock Lobster, and Scissors Lizard:  These are here because I like Rock, Paper, and Scissors.  But Emcee is going to make the table either A) Die laughing watching you do your best ring announcer voice or B) Get really mad every time use it on someone else’s guy.

Goblin Bookie, Goblin Bowling Team, and Hurloon Wrangler:  The Bowling Team can do a little extra damage while the Bookie makes sure you hit higher rolls…  Or at least try to.  The Wrangler is usually unblockable in Texas.  Not that I’ve been or anything.

Under Wraps!

Now with the dudes out of the why, let’s move on to the Enchantments.

Ach! Hans, Run!, Checks and Balances, Drawn Together, Handcuffs, and Staying Power:  Ach! is a creature search engine but don’t rely on it too much.  Checks and Balances can counter spells for you but you’re going to need the table to all agree.  Drawn Together is one of my favorite cartoons and now it’s also in a deck.  Handcuffs can be a way of dealing with unwanted cards.  Staying Power will help with all the pumps and can help with Ach! too.

Yet Another AEther Vortex and The Cheese Stands Alone: Y.A.AE.V. can help to speed up the game by giving all creatures haste while The Cheese can be a win con if you can figure out a way to lose your lands, hand, and whatever  else you have on the field.

Now it’s time for some METAL!

Ashnod’s Coupon, Bronze Calendar, Jack-in-the-Mox, Letter Bomb, My First Tome, Pointy Finger of
Doom, Rod of Spanking, and Super Secret Tech:  Bronze Calendar helps with your mana as long as your willing to sound like Miss Piggy.  Jack-in-the-Mox can get you some mana as long as you don’t roll a 1.  My First Tome will draw you some cards cause I’m sure not to many people know the flavor text on any of the UnCards.  Pointy Finger is good for some random destruction.  Rod of Spanking can deal with 1/1 and I want you to see how many 1/1 tokens you pop off before their owner even remembers to say, “Thank you, Sire.  May I have another?”  Super Secret Tech can help bring down your spell cost if you’re the kind of guy who likes to foil out your deck.  Ashnod’s Coupon can be fun when you don’t feel like getting up to get a drink.

Eye to Eye, Face to Face, and Mouth to Mouth:  A few little Mini-Games always help make the bigger game fun… or at least that’s what I learned from video games.

AWOL, Duh, Rare-B-Gone, Touch and Go, Prismatic Wardrobe, and Kill Destroy:  A few removal spells couldn’t hurt.  Just make sure to RtFC before casting any of these.

Land Aid ’04 , Incoming! , Gerrymandering, Growth Spurt, and Graphic Violence:  And these are to round out the lot with one more left…

Who/What/When/Where/Why:  Yes, that is all one card.  No I’m not telling you how it works. Just sit back and let your mind wonder.

Becoming UnDone!!!

Now I say drop in 7 of each basic land, Command Tower and one more land of your pick.  Like always, I advise that you look into your own mana base edits because I know that the lands can be the most taxing part of building.  It’s easy to get cards but you’re not going to see many lands in the trade binders outside of say, a store owned one.  Well that wraps up this week’s article.  I’ll see you next week when I start my dual color decks.  

Hope you had fun and please leave any comments or suggestions.  Until next time,

This is your Captain speaking…  We’re heading into the Red Zone!

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